Tag Archives: Kevin Pietersen

Fourth Test Post-Mortem

Mental Disintegration isn’t the kind of place where you find folk being kicked while they’re down.  Given the circumstances however, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to indulge in the art for a bit.

For the first time in my existence on this spinning stone, England have retained the Ashes on tour Down Under.  I’ve seen a fair share of false dawns in international cricket, hopefully this achievement isn’t going to be one of them.  There’s still a Test to play in Sydney and it would be quite disappointing if it became apparent that certain feet had been taken off of the momentum gas pedal.


  • Bundling Australia out for 98 is fairly nice.
  • Jonathan Trott and Matt Prior keeping their heads in the middle of a miniature crisis following a few quick wickets, pretty much making the difference between a good innings total and a match winning one.
  • Peter Siddle showing that someone in Australia is still putting up a fight, both with bat and ball.
  • Everyone on Twitter being up in arms about Aleem Dar checking to see if Mitchell Johnson had over-stepped having already given Prior out.  This has happened before, folks.


  • Ryan Harris pulling up with a stress fracture in his tibia.  When you’ve putting in the hard yards despite everything going to pieces around you, the last thing you want is your body going to pieces too.
  • Ricky Ponting spending an eternity remonstrating with Aleem Dar after Kevin Pietersen wasn’t given out after a referral.  Given how the replays showed no sign off an edge on Pietersen’s bat, it was just toe-curlingly cringeworthy.  His punishment was fairly lenient given that he’s the captain and all.


  • We’ve entered an interesting moment in time where England have a selection of seam bowlers who probably wouldn’t look out of place in the Test attack.  Whilst they might not necessarily deliver spells as memorably devastating as Harmison & co. used to, they’re certainly proving to be somewhat effective when given the opportunity.
  • I had my doubts about Tim Bresnan and he went and dispelled them, so hats off to the burly Yorkshireman.  Him and Tremlett went from being back ups at the start of the tour to looking like our best bowlers.
  • Jonathan Trott, oh Jonathan Trott.  He’s now played a big part in Strauss getting his hands on the urn on two occasions and averages over 100 against the Oz.  He also had a nation wincing when he managed to edge a delivery onto his knee, ouch!


  • Whereas the Australian side of ten years ago was hewn from granite by killer robots, this one seems to be random bits of plywood and MDF glued together by blind puppeteers.
  • That point alone says it all about their current situation, to be honest.

So much for kicking them while they’re down, perhaps I’m just more polite than I thought.  Suppose everyone else is doing it on my behalf.


Second Test Post-Mortem

It would seem that we have officially entered bizarro world, folks.  England are a Test up after two matches in the series, and bar one injury, have a pretty stable lineup, while Australia have a batting line up which is pretty much made of filo pastry held together with saliva, and a bowling attack likely to change again when the Perth Test starts.


  • Shane Watson and Simon Katich’s comedy running which left Katich heading back to the shed without facing.  Neither of them had appeared to call, comical.
  • James Anderson bowling like he can cope with Aussie conditions, on the contrary to what a lot of people suggested.
  • Michael Hussey displaying something which might resemble what you call ‘form’.  Usually he follows up career saving innings with very little, so this was a pleasant surprise.
  • Kevin Pietersen doing a Steve Harmison and getting a well set Michael Clarke out with the last ball of the fourth day.  Clarke was probably too busy thinking about what film he was watching that evening (Sleepless in Seattle).


  • The general vibe about Australia at the moment is doing my nut in.  Yes, they’re not as good as they used to be.  All great teams have this problem when the good players go, get with the times.


  • Kevin Pietersen’s revival has been the main story to come from England’s performance in this Test.  He’d been threatening to make a big score for a while, and what better time to finally do it?
  • Graeme Swann looked more at ease with the Australian conditions, taking the crucial wicket of Hussey in the first innings before claiming a five wicket haul to wrap up the game in the second.
  • Now face a trilemma over which of the three reserve seamers is to replace Stuart Broad, now out for the series.
  • A shout out to Alastair Cook, who has transformed into Optimus Prime crossed with Batman, or so it seems.


  • Ryan Harris bowled better than Mitchell Johnson.
  • No one else was of much use though.
  • It still took England five days to win the Test.
  • Maybe the batsman coming in for a knobbled Simon Katich will be super awesome?
  • Erm, at least things have become so bad now, that anything Australia manage might be better than this shower.  Poor Xavier Doherty, I’m not sure this is how he imagined his career panning out.

So the ghosts of 2006 have been put to rest at the Adelaide Oval, nice going folks.  There’s a bit of a gap between now and Perth, so plenty of time for speculation and other Ashes related crap until then.

Kevin Pietersen finally arrives at the party

The party in question is one where international cricketers score runs. Pietersen had been absent from said party since the tour of the West Indies last year.  Of course, all the old excuses were there, he was still getting ready, he’d lost his invitation, but he’d be there soon, he was sure of it.

And yet the likes of Stuart Broad, Imran Farhat and Harbhajan Singh managed to get there before him in that time.  Hopefully they left him some of the metaphorical buffet of runs for the future.

Nevertheless, better late than never, KP wasn’t going to let the opportunity of a good batting track and some indifferent bowling/fielding pass him by this time, and he’s currently 213 not out, a score he might add to unless Andrew Strauss declares in the morning.

One can only hope that he kicks on from this and goes back to being like the cricketer he was before the whole breakdown in relations between him and Peter Moores after the tour of India in 2008.

He didn’t say anything daft in his interview with Nasser Hussain at the end of the day either.  That’s a start.

T’Ashes Heroes #1 – Kevin Pietersen

The whole idea of this thing came from my bemoaning the lack of moustaches in this Ashes series, and KP just had to go and ruin it.

Good on him for supporting Movember though, and coincidentally, he happened to score 158 runs against Australia, which secured the draw at the Oval in 2005.

This meant England won the Ashes for the first time in beards.  Worthy of the T’Ashes Hero title.

England’s Ashes Squad – Trott love and the Middle Order

One of the rarest sights in cricket is a pair of English middle order batsmen putting on a big partnership.  Such was the frequency of batting collapses during England innings, it was thought for a while that the middle order batsman had in fact become extinct during the 1990s, reportedly due to exposure to Shane Warne/Curtly Ambrose/reverse swing.  Should you see England go from 190/2 to 215 all out, don’t be alarmed, it’s the norm.

This sort of occurrence has happened on so many occasions, it doesn’t seem right to say it’s a technical thing, else Paul Collingwood and his shovel shot would have been ditched many series ago.  The only analogy I can come up with to describe these spectacular collapses is that England’s batting line up is similar to a pack of Covenant Grunts in the video game Halo.  When their Elite leader is killed by the player, they start to panic (“Leader dead! Run away!”), cease firing at the player and run around in a frenzy.  In the case of England, when the prized wicket (say Strauss or Atherton back in the day) falls, they all seem to lose their heads.

I’d like to be able to say that the middle order now fills me full of positive thoughts, but it still managed to happen against Pakistan this summer, although Pakistan proceeded to spend the series trying and succeeding in outdoing them in the flakiness department.

At least the question of who bats at number three doesn’t appear to be hovering around like the bad smell it was in 2009.

Following an underwhelming series in South Africa, Jonathan Trott suddenly became the luxury part of the England set up whose value gets questioned.  Ian Bell’s routine bullying of Bangladesh’s bowling attack and the dilemma of whether to use five bowlers or four led to some suggesting that he wasn’t really needed – this despite a rather good double century at Lord’s.

As it turned out, it was Bell’s metatarsal which gave way rather than Trott’s place in the team and he ended up being part of the most memorable eighth wicket stand in recent history.  Never mind that his cover drive isn’t quite as slick as Bell’s or that he lacks the swagger (read: punchable face) of Ravi Bopara, his composure out in the middle acts as the foundation on which he builds an innings.  However, this does mean that you lose half a session of play, as he likes to take guard as often as MCC members are likely to fall asleep at Lord’s.

Idiosyncrasies aside, I’m a big fan of Trott.  His consistency in the County Championship gave merit to his selection, rather than some old duffers bigging up their county friends, and he has so far justified it by providing us with some important innings, be they to hold out for a draw or set up a victory.  Perhaps my favourite thing about him is the way he gets under the opposition’s skin.  South Africa weren’t too pleased with his guard taking when they were trying to take wickets against the clock, Bangladesh’s seamers didn’t even allow him the opportunity to look up before starting their run ups, and his antics against Pakistan didn’t exactly endear him to their players (Umar Akmal and Wahab Riaz in particular) or supporters.

What tops it off for me however, is that he looks like a really dour version of Russell Crowe with thinning hair.  Nuts to Shane Warne comparing him to Vince Vaughn, I could never see him leaning away from a bouncer before going back to check his guard.  Trott taking his guard reminds me of Maximus in Gladiator rubbing the dust of the arena between his hands before battle, whilst the music when the gladiators unexpectedly win in the Coliseum played in my head when he reached his hundred against Pakistan at Lord’s.

Hopefully he doesn’t look as uncomfortable in Australia as he did in the Wanderers Test earlier this year.

Whilst I am happy to lavish praise upon Maximus Trottimus, there is concern about Kevin Pietersen in the run up to this series.  You have to go back to the tour of the West Indies to see the last time he scored a Test century, an astounding feat for a batsman renowned for his ability to meet bowling attacks head on.  Watching him charge limply down the track against Pakistan’s bowlers was painful to watch at times, as he was clearly struggling, but was so far down the track that the umpires were unable to put him out of his misery and declare him LBW.

Nonetheless, despite his batting slump, you have to give Pietersen credit for knowing how to make sure no one forgets about him.  Be it the infamous Twitter rant, branding some nobody called John Buchanan a ‘nobody’, and the kerfuffle about playing for Hampshire being impractical for a Chelsea boy like himself, there hasn’t been a dull moment this summer involving Pietersen off the field, an excellent diversion of attention away from his average as it slips slightly further below 50.

A stint in South African domestic cricket, involving work with old coach Graham Ford has left him feeling ‘fantastic’, possibly the missing cog in the gears which Pietersen switched through to produce those memorable innings in 2005.

Ian Bell’s summer proved to be fruitful, either side of a broken foot, that is.  Whether he will cope any better in Australia than in 2006/7 is something which will have to wait until the series begins.  Needless to say, with Shane Warne commentating on Sky Sports, you can bet your bottom dollar on the ‘Sherminator’ nickname being mentioned every time he plays and misses at a wide delivery.

Paul Collingwood is currently in danger of being out-nurdled by Maximus Trottimus, so it will necessitate a comedy England batting collapse in order to bring out the best in Collywobble.  Will also be sharing the duty of trundling dibbly dobbly bowler with Trott should Australia’s batsmen all find form at the same time and be 3,000,000/4 at lunch on the third day of the first Test.

I’ve already grown bored of this slow start to the blog, so I’ll simply say this about Eoin Morgan – stop top edging that reverse sweep of yours.

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